When I awakened, it was the morning of the eighth day since I quit my jobs. Before I even got out of bed, I had started analyzing the meaning of the dream. I saw that the light of day switching to the dark of night within mere moments, symbolized the eclipse which symbolized the dark night of the soul. And within the dark night, was my fear that if I ever stopped keeping my story a secret, crazy would be the new identity that would be projected onto me. I feared that this new identity would change my other identity from nurse to former nurse.
And without my nursing career, I feared I wouldn’t have financial success.
For so many years, I had looked down on women who stayed with their husbands or families for financial security. I thought I was stronger than them and fiercely independent. But over time, I had been humbled into realizing that my husband was the board of nursing. As I further interpreted the dream, I could see that my birthday cake represented my birthright, my blessing. And it was elusive because I was trying to obtain the next part of it through nursing.
It made sense that I would try to get it this way, though, because my career came with financial blessings. Likewise, birthday cake often comes with monetary gifts. Abraham says it best in the video below. “It’s not just a birthday cake. It’s a blessing cake.” Even so, a birthday cake is also about celebrating a specific identity, i.e., the birthday girl. In comparison, my identity was all wrapped up in my title as that of a nurse. And that little old lady? She was there to make me see my proclivity towards being a knightess-nurse-savior even to my own detriment.
If there is no sound, touch the screen within the video and the unmute button will appear.
It turn out, the savior in me come from the same place as the heretic in me.
Do you remember when I talked about finally realizing I was a heretic? I realized I was one even before learning that heretic was part of my identity in the 5/1 Human Design profile. Well, in that same categorical system, the heretic doubles as a savior. But a savior should always remember this. To everything there is a season. So saving and fixing isn’t always in season. The video below, by The Human Design Channel, provides helpful insight into line 5, the heretic.
Do you relate to this video? Could you be a line 5 too?
In that same dream, the police officer, who stood in the middle of the street, by herself, appeared to be the younger version of one of my former patients. After we met while I was on call one day, this patient called the office and insisted that I would be her nurse. Even though I wasn’t a case manager, the hospice company catered to her demands so that they could keep her on service. I saw her nearly every weekend. And during those visits, I was always trying to fortify the professional boundaries, while she was always trying to thwart them.
I was always saving her. One time, after I had resolved yet another crisis, she told me that I was born to be a nurse. But she helped me too. Lady Cop, as I call her, in her quest to get to know me, taught me astrology. She introduced me to Theosophy, Rudolf Steiner and his books. She taught me that a water pic was a necessity and she even gave me bra recommendations. And when I came to see her two days after my forty-third birthday, she had a cake with candles waiting on me. She truly appreciated me and she was determined to reciprocate.
Even though she resided in a senior living facility, Lady Cop was still one of the strongest and most independent females I have ever met. Her fiery energy couldn’t be missed. I always wished that I could let her be my friend. But I had already learned to not let patients or their families be my family or friends. Regardless, I always knew that either subconsciously in her dreams, or consciously after she passed, she would understand exactly why I was always trying to keep her from getting too close.
I also had a knowing that the roles would one day be reversed and that at some point, she would play the savior. That’s who she was and it’s what she would’ve wanted. And so, there she was saving me in my dream. It seemed like Lady Cop had gained a perspective in which she could see that it was time for me to move away from the role in which I had once served her. Although she didn’t speak in the dream, it was like she was silently saying, “You were born to be a nurse, but only for a season in this capacity.”
This photo of me was taken in the activity room of a senior living facility on March 1, 2020 which was two days after my 43rd birthday, and right before COVID was declared a pandemic. March 1st is usually the day after my birthday, but 2020 was a leap year.
P.S. Before dreaming, I had listened to Mel Robbins earlier that day as she talked about her birthday. And that must have been what made me receptive to the birthday cake themed dream.