In 2023, at 11:11 am, on 11/11, my Uber arrived at the Tenderloin Museum, the place where a guided walking tour was going to later start. I was so early that I first took myself on a tour. The familiarity was overwhelming. I couldn’t remember exactly which street crossed where, but generally, I knew where I was. Later, back at the museum, the guide asked us, the participants, to briefly state why we were taking the tour. I hadn’t anticipated this question. Nevertheless, I answered honestly.
In a past life, I lived here and it’s been a hundred years since I’ve been back.
Never batting an eye, she kept a perfect poker face. Shavonne was her name, and she knew the Tenderloin inside and out. At the end of the tour, she invited me to visit her church which had been part of the walking route. She was absolutely sure I would love it. I was certain I wouldn’t. But I didn’t tell her that. And I didn’t say that I had quit regular church years ago. Instead, I said I’d think about it. The next morning, I almost didn’t make myself get up in time. I went only to repay her graciousness.
This was one of those times when people pleasing really worked out well for me.
The tip was the only on purpose 11.11. The unplanned 11/11 & 11:11 were like gifts in the form of signs/omens.
I joined Glide Memorial Church that morning.
In a very short amount of time, I learned about the former Minister, Cecil Williams, who passed away several years ago. I also found out about the founder, the late Lizzie Glide. And I met the current Minister, Marvin K White. Glide is the literal hub of the Tenderloin. It isn’t just a church, it’s a place where be ye warmed and filled, is a verb, an action fulfilled through the work of Unconditional Love for the residents of the streets. The church members are advocates for the Tenders, housed or unhoused, sober or not.
This is a photo I took of the big screen in the Glide sanctuary. I had to enhance the photo and change the colors a bit to get “unconditionally” to show clearly.
Glide is truly a refuge and I want to serve with and/or alongside Glide.
I want to alleviate or at least soften, suffering within the Tenderloin. It is a place I still may want to work as a nurse. I also want to provide therapeutic touch (massage) for the church staff and volunteers, Tenders in recovery, as well as those who serve the Tenderloin through other agencies such as Urban Alchemy and the TL-SFPD, to name a few. I think now how wild it is that before it even existed, I had my massage business, Tenderloin Touch, registered as a trade name. This was not only before I graduated from massage school, but also before I ever even heard of Glide.
I took these photos above during my 11/11-11/12 trip to the Tenderloin in 2023.
I want to serve in ways I don’t yet know are needed.
I also want to assist Tenders (from the Tenderloin or not) in telling their stories. And I want to tell Diamond Jessie’s story. When I was her, my carefully hidden diaries burned in the great earthquake and fire of 1906. I spent decades recreating them as best I could. Then I turned them into a novel series, a tantalizing tell-all work of fiction. But I suppose it was too close to the real truth because the final drafts were stolen from my London Hotel room on March 31, 1923, the day I died. The unrelenting desire to recreate that lost work of art birthed The Tenderloin Tribe Project.
But this project includes something else. The Tenderloin is the place where I will finish compiling my ongoing research.
See, I am absolutely obsessed with fleshing out this theory I found, which more or less says someone with schizophrenia has the genetic or epigenetic element needed to become a shaman. Sensitivity, actually high sensitivity, is that component. The theory as I understand it, says the nurture part of the nature vs nurture concept, determines whether the person will succumb to the destructive force of trauma or to the power of unconditional love. Of course, unconditional love is an all encompassing force. And sometimes, it utilizes destruction, but never only.
In my research, I found that some countries do not strictly view traits of Schizophrenia as mental illness.
Rather, they see them as the tell tale signs of a holy person. And then as a society, they provide the nurture element which is required to grow the person with the highly sensitive nature into a shaman. Now, here is what I know from years of psych nursing. People use the words, schizophrenic and schizophrenia as a catch all. But often, the appropriate term might be schizoaffective, delusions, psychotic features, or even psychosis. Therefore, the way that I interpret the theory is like this.
People who can slip a little more easily into psychosis, have at least one significant nature element of the Shaman, high sensitivity.
I have both intentionally and unintentionally studied not only my many patients over the years, but also my own family and friends. I have also (consciously and with effort) studied myself. I have noticed so many little and not so little commonalities amongst us sensitive people. And I can’t help but to wonder, what would it be like if the highly sensitive people of the Tenderloin, especially the ones on the streets, were not only revered for their sensitive nature, but also intentionally nurtured because of it?
Matthew 25:34-40 says, Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. That pretty much sums it up, I’d say. But let me briefly recap.
These are the project goals:
- Alleviate and/or soften suffering in the Tenderloin and amongst Tenders in general.
- Support (nurture) the Tenders as well as those who are supporting the Tenders. Likely, they are Tenders too.
- Facilitate story telling for the Tenders who want to be heard. This includes the telling of my own story all the way back to my days as Diamond Jessie.
- Document my shamanism vs schizophrenia (aka enlightenment vs psychosis) research and findings.
P.S. The schizophrenia/shaman theory is not endorsed by American medical licensing boards, nor would this information be found in the DSM-V. Additionally, there is zero medical or mental health advice here.