It was the last evening of camp preparation. The next day, church busses filled with cheering kids would be making their way down the long gravel driveway. Rashaad and several others would be leaving the next morning. We had all stayed around the campfire as long as we could before making our way back to our respective areas. But when I arrived at my cabin, The Rock House, I realized I had carried back with me the walkie-talkie that belonged in the staff trailer. I hurried back and knocked lightly on the storm door.
The main door was open and I could see only Rashaad in the kitchen. The women were not allowed to enter that trailer after ten pm since it doubled as the workmen’s dorm. Nevertheless, when he called out for me to come in, I entered, but only with the intention of just quickly placing it on the coffee table. But Rashaad, unhurried, came towards me and said, “You know what, little sister? I’m really going to miss you. Can I give you a goodbye hug?” I said yes and not because I couldn’t say no.
I expected something like a brief brotherly side hug.
Instead, he wrapped me in his arms and held me as he pressed my body against his. His strength and masculine essence were intoxicating. He smelled divine despite the campfire smoke which still permeated the air. With a gentleness that contrasted his military-tough exterior, he moved his hand slowly over the small of my back. With the other hand, he softly gathered my hair at the nape of my neck. Eventually, while still within his embrace, he pushed me away just a little and walked me backwards a few steps. The wall was now against my back.
While moving wisps of hair away from my face, he gently asked, “Can I kiss you?”
Unable to speak, I nodded. His left hand cupped my the back of my neck as he tilted my head according to his will. His right hand encircled my waist and he pulled me nearer as if I could get any closer without merging into him. My glasses were fogged when he finally let me go. My lips were tender like they were when I first started playing the saxophone. I licked my lips during the walk home. But I didn’t drink anything before falling asleep because I didn’t want to wash away the taste of him.
To that point, there had been very few opportunities for me to see kissing even via media, because in my father’s household, we never had a television and the most “worldly” movie I had seen was Steel Magnolias which I watched on the sly outside of his home. Therefore, I had expected a peck on the cheek or maybe the lips which is all that I had ever seen my father give my mother. Instead, what I received lit a pilot light inside my body and soul. Rules or no rules, it couldn’t and wouldn’t be extinguished because whatever that was, I wanted more of it.