Robert Green, author of The 48 Laws of Power, cites Law #46 as, “Don’t be untouchable. Never appear too perfect. Appearing better than others is always dangerous but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects and admit to harmless vices in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity. The human animal has a hard time dealing with feelings of inferiority.“
He continues, “If only we had the quality or skill of the superior person, we would be happy. But envy brings us neither comfort nor any closer to the quality. There are several strategies for dealing with the insidious destructive emotion of envy. First, accept the fact that there will be people who will surpass you in some way and also the fact that you may envy them. Second, understand that as you gain power, those below you will feel envious of you. Finally, expect that when people envy you, they will work against you insidiously.”
I already talked about how the primary jealousy I saw, learned, and therefore had, was the kind a woman has when another woman “takes” her man. And in hindsight, I can see that those who tasked the goons had an agenda to expose that I must feel more jealousy than I showed. Countless attempts were made to make me feel and consequently show my jealousy. But they mostly did not succeed because at my core, I believe that if someone has something I want, I too can have it or the equivalent and not by taking it away from them.
And when they realized this, as twisted as it sounds, I think they felt a disdainful kind of envy for my lack of jealousy. There have been so many times that a goon has accidentally spoken from their heart instead of from their actor’s script. And each time this occurred, I gained valuable insight. Let me give an example without using anyone’s real names. Christopher is in his twenties and Chloe is in her forties. However, they look like they’re about the same age. Chloe is absolutely beautiful and youthful in appearance.
You’re too perfect.
While at work one night, Christopher gushed to me about how he had just found out that Chloe, who is around my age, was old enough to be his mother. My genuine reaction was to gush with him about her stunning appearance. Later that night, he made another attempt to hook me. And when I again genuinely demonstrated non-jealousy, he accidentally spoke from his heart saying, “You’re too perfect.” I will always remember his words.
It took me awhile to see that the excessive parading around of name brand bags, shoes and cars along with the heavy spending and/or online shopping which I either observed or about which I was told, were attempts to make me feel jealousy. I can see how they thought it would work though, because previously, at one of my two cubicle jobs, I hung a vision board above my desk which displayed my material desires. But it isn’t just my lack of jealousy that some people find annoying .
I had to learn to radically reduce my giving of unsolicited advice.
My excessive helpfulness which included over giving of knowledge made me seem like I was trying to appear too perfect. But to a certain degree, in certain subjects, I still am a bit of a know-it-all. And the goody two-shoes attitude that was instilled into me from my cult childhood still surfaces sometimes.
I had to learn that I’m not obligated to justify or explain my dietary choices.
Everyone knows that I am always a vegetarian and nearly always a vegan. One of the goons, as she observed me eating my lunch at work one day, asked, “Do you really eat like this at home too or just here?” Me just eating was seemingly another demonstration of a “too perfect” behavior.
Was I too cheerful, too friendly and too open?
Was I too prompt? Most of the time, I arrived not just on time, but early to relieve the nurse on the previous shift. I stayed over if the work wasn’t done and usually, I did my job thoroughly. I was only early because I had anxiety about being late. And the rest of my too perfect displays were probably because my father had us kids reciting mantras before that was even a thing. He chanted with us repeatedly, ”Good, better, best. Never let it rest until you’re good is better and your better’s best!
I didn’t know I was supposed to dumb down myself as well as my work to avoid aura theft. But I’m glad I didn’t know because while my too-perfectness elicited disdainful envy from my coworkers, it eventually catapulted me to a place where my presence as a home care nurse was highly desired. Specifically, my services were requested not only by the majority of the patients I served, but also by the minority high profile patients and their family members. I found myself on a team comprised of the top five nurses. Our job was to provide care to this minority population.
But even amongst the best, there was still envy. One day, after I gave report to one of the top nurses, they said, “Must be nice to be the favorite.” I was caught off guard. And so I just blew them off by saying that they too were equally a favorite. Maybe, if they would’ve seen my messy car, house and personal relationships, they wouldn’t have felt such envy. I have since come to realize that I can never reduce myself enough to avoid feeling the discomfort of someone else’s envy. Sometimes I think about how I would answer them now if given the chance for a do-over.