Other than by exception, my mother wasn’t jealous of other women. To this day, I have only ever heard her strongly criticize two females, one of which was the woman who thought of my mom, the pastor’s wife, as her best friend and mentor. That same woman, who was closer in age to my older sister, took my mom’s husband. Let me say, I don’t have an issue with age gap relationships. But I mention it because in my family, it’s generationally relevant.
It wasn’t until my own daughters were grown that I realized how rare it is to have a mother who has little to no jealously.
My maternal grandma, Mathie, was the same way. Her mom, my great grandmother, died when the youngest of her children were still small. Mathie’s father remarried and the step mother was close in age to the oldest children. I am told this caused strife in the home which I imagine stemmed from resentment and jealousy. So the only kind of jealousy I understood is the kind that comes after another woman takes a man from you or your mama. I always thought if another woman had something you wanted, other than your man, you could just go and get the same thing.
Since I had this lack of exposure, I thought that unless I took someone’s man, they would have no reason to be jealous of me. Ironically, I could still identify the jealousy people had towards others such as for their looks, energy or wealth. My blind spot made it hard for me to fathom that people were jealous of me. So I started analyzing and researching why people behaved towards me in a certain way. Of course, what I found cleared up my vision. I’m still diving into my own psyche to look for jealousy concealed as something else such as feelings of inferiority.
I came to learn that there is a jealous mentality that says, if I can’t have what you have, you can’t have it either. In the below video, the TikTok user whose handle is @angellaborce, reads from the book, Green Eyes, authored by Mariah Perry. She reads, “The Inferior: Now this is an envious individual who is much more dangerous as they adequately asses their shortcomings and weaknesses which means they typically have a thorough assessment of how to accomplish things in spite of their inadequacies.”
She continues, “When dealing with an envious individual who sees themselves as inferior to you, you must always be cautious when dealing with this person because they are one of the opponents who are capable of outthinking and outsmarting the majority of their targets. Since this person acknowledges they will not be able to beat you in the area they are envious of you in, what they will do is use others as a pawn to play into your demise or even (to) influence you to partake in your own downfall.”
She goes on reading, “The purpose is to either replace you with themselves or, if they have assessed that may not be possible, they will simply invest in your demise.” In other words, If I can’t have what you have or be who you are, you can’t either. So now I understand one motive why someone might want to steal my aura by simply destroying it. It wasn’t like they could steal it and make it their own. Or could they?
I thought about that last Ayahuasca ceremony and all of the new attendees, many of whom wore a colored sash tied around their white garments. Each wore a different color from the rainbow. Or I could say, each wore a different color from my aura. Without attributing any meaning to this seeming coincidence, I must say that years prior, one of the sash wearers, the one who named the group chat, Witches With A Purpose, made a big deal out of my aura photo after I first had it taken.
And then I thought about Joseph from the Bible. If you don’t know, his father, Jacob, whom I’ve already discussed, is the same person as Israel. Genesis 37:3-5 reads, Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours. And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him. And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more. To me, the motive sure sounds like jealousy.
@angellaborce tells us that envious people are a blessing because they teach us what it is about ourselves that is “special and valuable.” She says the envious see where our “greatness lies” even if we don’t. Still, I believe that anyone who wants one, can have a pretty rainbow aura by simply putting in the work. Colville, whom I’ve quoted extensively in prior entries, says, “Every one’s aura is under his control, if he only determines to regulate it.”