“The process of rising up again stronger than before is preceded by having all dysfunctional parts stripped away.” That’s a quote by a writer for advancedastrology.com who goes by stargazer, Yes, my beautiful rainbow aura had dysfunctional parts. I’m referring to my Pluto and Chiron wounds, both of which, I could clearly identify within my aura photo.
In my quest to rebuild my rainbow, to even better than it was before, I walked into a months long storm called, The Dark Night of The Soul. I endured a steady beating from the winds of change which pushed relentlessly against me. The hail pummeled me with rocks of shame, fear and guilt. Thus, I sought out that which can numb the pain and elevate the spirit. But still, I couldn’t rise above the storm.
And so I surrendered. It wasn’t just once that I raised my white flag towards death. No, it was over and over again. In astrology, the eighth house is the house of death. Stargazer says, “The 8th house is the house of extremes (and) it governs losses, grief, complete powerlessness (and) traumas.” Stargazer continues, “At the same time, it is also a place for complete renewal, rebirth (and) deep transformation.”
The Rising Phoenix is one of the best representations of the death and rebirth process. In her article, Like a Phoenix Rising from the Ashes, Dr. Gail Brenner writes, “As the story goes, the phoenix is a mythical bird with fiery plumage that lives up to 100 years. Near the end of its life, it settles in to its nest of twigs which then burns ferociously, reducing bird and nest to ashes. And from those ashes, a fledgling phoenix rises – renewed and reborn.“
In his article, Spiritual Struggle: The Phoenix Rising from Its Ashes, Monsignor Robert Nusca says, “The phoenix – the mythological bird that is consumed by fire only to rise again from its own ashes – came to be adopted within early Christian reflection as a symbol of the Resurrection and of Jesus Christ Himself.” He also likens the Biblical story of Job to that of the rising phoenix.
He says, “Having been tested by the fires of suffering and tragedy, Job’s life was renewed as God raised him up from the simmering coals of the ash heap of a broken life and set before him a blessed new beginning. Job’s inspiring example calls us to an unwavering patience, faith and trust in the God “who makes all things new”– even in a world of shattered dreams (Job 29:18).”
Joseph of the Bible is also an example of the mythological bird who burned and rose again not just once but repeatedly. After his jealous brothers stole his coat of many colors, he found himself at the bottom of a pit where they left him for dead. He was rescued by a kidnapper who sold him into enslavement. Against all odds, he made a triumphant comeback only to be thrown into yet another pit. But from there, he made an even greater resurgence.
The entries that follow will outline the process of my perpetual death, which I experienced during the most recent prolonged period of darkness. Yes, I experienced death before, during, after and in between the Ayahuasca ceremonies. However, it was during the dark night of the soul, which began during the April 2024 eclipse, where I reached new levels of surrender. And to what was I surrendering? The answer is death.
In her article, which is linked above, Dr. Gail Brenner writes, “Resistance is natural. When life threw me a curve, I longed for the turmoil to be over with. I wanted to pick myself up and move on. I tried hard to create a plan, to know what I didn’t know, to gain control. I was so busy trying to make things happen that I overlooked what was actually happening. I ignored my feelings and resisted the present moment. Yes, me, the one who writes about welcoming all of our experience with a loving, open heart. I was doing everything but.”
She continues, “Finally, I realized my approach wasn’t working. I stopped trying. I let myself be frustrated and impatient. I admitted that there was so much I didn’t know, and I let go of figuring it all out. Life was messy, so I suspended my fruitless attempts to clean it up. And this was the beginning of the fire, as there was space for feelings and reactions to surface.”