Robert Green, author of The 48 Laws of Power, cites Law #46 as, “Don’t be untouchable. Never appear too perfect. Appearing better than others is always dangerous but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects and admit to harmless vices in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity. The human animal has a hard time dealing with feelings of inferiority.“
He continues, “If only we had the quality or skill of the superior person, we would be happy. But envy brings us neither comfort nor any closer to the quality. There are several strategies for dealing with the insidious destructive emotion of envy. First, accept the fact that there will be people who will surpass you in some way and also the fact that you may envy them. Second, understand that as you gain power, those below you will feel envious of you. Finally, expect that when people envy you, they will work against you insidiously.”
I didn’t learn about Law #46, until after I had repeatedly broken it.
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I already talked about how the primary jealousy I saw, learned, and therefore had, was the kind a woman has when another woman “takes” her man. And in hindsight, I can see that those who tasked the goons had an agenda to expose that I must feel more jealousy than I showed. Countless attempts were made to make me feel and consequently show my jealousy. But mostly, they did not succeed, because at my core, I believe that if someone has something I want, I too can have it, or at least the equivalent of it, and not by taking it away from them.
And when they realized this, as twisted as it sounds, I think they felt a disdainful kind of envy for my lack of jealousy.
Im so willing to admit that the previous sentence might be a projection, and that I might be in denial about my actual degree of jealousy. But in my defense, there have been many times when a goon has accidentally spoken from their heart instead of from their actor’s script. And each time this occurred, I gained valuable insight. Let me give an example without using anyone’s real names. Christopher is in his twenties and Chloe is in her forties. However, they look like they’re about the same age. Chloe is absolutely beautiful and youthful in appearance.
While at work one night, Christopher gushed to me about how he had just found out that Chloe, who is around my age, was old enough to be his mother. My genuine reaction was to gush with him about her stunning appearance. Later that night, he made another attempt to hook me. And when I again genuinely demonstrated non-jealousy, he accidentally spoke from his heart. I will always remember his words.
“You’re too perfect.”
There were other attempts made to elicit jealousy. And it took me awhile to see that the excessive parading around of luxury vacation photos, along with name brand bags, shoes, and cars, were amongst them. I can see how someone thought it would work, though, because previously, at one of my two cubicle jobs, I had hung a vision board above my desk which displayed many of my material desires. But anyway, it isn’t just my lack of jealousy that some people found disdainful.
My excessive helpfulness, which included over giving of knowledge, made me seem like I was trying to appear too perfect. But to a certain degree, in certain subjects, I still am a bit of a know-it-all. I had to learn to radically reduce my giving of unsolicited advice. On top of that, the goody two-shoes attitude that was instilled into me from my cult childhood, periodically surfaces. And so I still have to catch myself sometimes with self awareness.
Apparently, my diet is, another irritant.
Thus, I had to learn that I’m not obligated to justify or explain my food choices. See, everyone in my circle knows that I am always a vegetarian, and nearly always a vegan. One of the goons, as she observed me eating my lunch at work one day, asked, “Do you really eat like this at home too or just here?” She wasn’t the first to question my diet, but she was the first to put it that bluntly. Seemingly, I was again demonstrating “too perfect” behavior. Sigh. The list of my “too perfectness” continued.
I was too cheerful, too friendly, and too open.
I was also too prompt. In fact, most of the time, I arrived not just on time, but early, to relieve the nurse on the previous shift. I stayed over if the work wasn’t done and usually, I did my job thoroughly. I wasn’t consciously trying to be perfect. Rather, I had anxiety about being late or leaving things undone. And the rest of my too perfect displays were probably a result of my childhood. My father had us kids reciting mantras before that was even a thing. He chanted with us repeatedly, “Good, better, best. Never let it rest until you’re good is better and your better’s best!”
I didn’t know I was supposed to dumb down myself, along with my work, to avoid aura theft. But I’m glad I didn’t know, because while my too-perfectness elicited disdainful envy from my coworkers, it eventually catapulted me to a place where my presence as a home care nurse was highly desired. Specifically, my services were requested not only by the majority of the patients I served, but also by the minority high profile patients and their family members. I found myself on a team comprised of the top five nurses. Our job was to provide care to this minority population.
But even amongst the best, there was still envy. One day, after I gave report to one of the top nurses, they said, “Must be nice to be the favorite.” I was caught off guard. And so I just blew them off by saying that they too were equally a favorite. Maybe, if they would’ve seen my messy car, house and personal relationships, they wouldn’t have felt such envy. I have since come to realize that I can never reduce myself enough to avoid feeling the discomfort of someone else’s envy. Sometimes I think about how I would answer them now if given the chance for a do-over.